Home on the Road...of Life?

So, we've moved out of our home on Doyen Street. It's odd, already seeming
so far removed from that life. The walls still echo with laughter from baby
giggles and parental doting as Caleb moved, grabbed, kicked, and chuckled
his way into our hearts with God's big ole' smile on his face. As I scrubbed
the walls and each baseboard on my knees in preparation for the white-gloved
checkout;), I saw that we had lived life to the FULL in that house. There
was no corner left un-lived in. There was no memory we had not fully
captured in our hearts of joy- what a glorious gift our year here has been.

Looking ahead to Virginia fills my brain with so many questions. There is a
peace out there; a peace of finally getting resettled into our new home; a
peace of knowing that God wants us out there and there is a purpose and
mission for us there; a peace of an Answer from Him, though it was not what
our request had been. For the longest time we had not wanted to go to
Virginia, but in talking it over with God, we both came wholeheartedly to
"not my will but Yours be done." There is a peace in praying that prayer
that does transcend understanding. Part of me still questions, though I
think that is where Faith with a capital F for "Filling my heart and mind
with a peace of not having to understand (bc it's in His Hands)" comes in.
Will I Let Myself not toil and think backwards after we have clearly
received His answer? Only inasmuch as I seek His face, for sure.

So we (Caleb and I) are here, with Steve having deployed last Saturday,
traveling between one home and another. I have great peace in many ways, yet
there is something funny about not having a home. I feel a small urge to
grasp for something to hold onto, compelled to find a reason or a "purpose"
for this next seven weeks. There is a reason we are here, with little to do
and many of our closest friends either moving away or out of town. There is
a reason for my lowkey social calendar this summer. But What? I need to keep
seeking God, but perhaps I also need to keep asking my own heart tough
questions. I have been given two full months to live life fully in whatever
arena I choose- but what is that? What should I do? I wish at times
that I was more motivated to just take the bull by the horns and go with
something, yet I so carefully want to follow God's steps. He has given me
free reign to free choice in the matter; I just want to make sure that I
also "cease striving and Know that He is God." I wish there was a clearer
picture of what I am to do with my time; oh how I would love an itemized
"To-Do" list from the Lord, leading me from knees-on-the-ground to strong- in- His- steps direction. But He's not dictatorial, He's relational. He just wants to see my face, seeking His reassuring eyes, heart and word. Thank you God that you are always there when I call (Jeremiah 29:12-13).

So like I said, I have great peace, but a bit of ambiguity about what all I
am supposed to work on this summer. I brought my GRE study book, the Pathway
to Purpose coaching book, letters galore and wedding presents to send that are long
overdue; I brought toys to play with Caleb with and camping equipment to
facilitate more adventures with Cae and friends; I brought bible studies and
of course, His Word. But did I bring my stillness? "...lead me beside still
waters, You restore my Soul." (psalm 23)

It is so sad to lose a house. Not because it really matters; not
because it's eternal. But because there's life there; there's memories,
there's "home." God continually reminds me with the military that HE is my
home, my refuge, my hiding place. HE is my husband, the One whose arms I
nestle into as I crawl into bed reading late at night after singing Caleb to
sleep. HE is the Alpha and the Omega, the One who knew my home before we had
ever seen it, and the One who knows each and every home and building whose
walls will protect us- whether literally or figuratively. HE is my strong
arms and the brilliant orchestrator of all the details of the "to-dos." And
HE is the One in whom I will find Peace.

Please, I invite you to pray with me as I seek to grasp...or to fall into
step with All that He has in store for me this summer. In the meantime, I'm going to go play with Caleb.;) jc<><

P.S. Sidenote: Steve's on the sub and he was asked to lead the bible studies there- pray for his influence as layleader, recreation committee chair and officer over the machinery division. He'll be in San Diego for two weeks with the sub and hopes to visit LA and Vegas if leave permits. Pray for his heart and his strength. He'd love to see you if he can- our love to you all, j